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Am I a Genius Yet? (2001)

The Artist Statement


From the ArtDisc release, Am I a Genius Yet?


Perhaps you’re wondering why I haven’t put up some kind of an “artist’s statement” on this CD. It’s really simple. I don’t like ‘em. While I always value any insights an artist can give me about his or her art, most of the time, their “statement” is boring as heck. There’s no better way to say to the world, “I’m a geek and I still live with my parents,” than to write some phony essay about your paintings. It sounds too much like you’re selling used cars.

Take the following, for instance. This is the perfect example of the long-winded and pretentious “artist’s statement.” This is an actual statement that I found on an online gallery, and, well, read for yourself:

  • “This painting speaks of multi-dimensional consciousness giving the viewer an opportunity to enter into alternative universes, which are considered fantastic, but may yet become commonplace. Worlds where creation manifests in myriad forms come from almost familiar and others more alien, more beautiful. This cosmology says there is room for infinite manifestations in endless universes.”

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Could somebody translate that into English for me? If the artist adds more red to his painting, will that change the multi-dimensional consciousness of his universe? What if he switches from blue to mauve in the corners? Is there one cosmology for green and another for yellow? What if he draws circles instead of squares?

This is just silly. You don’t hear your grandparents saying this stuff at art shows. You ask Aunt Jean why she’s painting ducks, and she just says, “I like ducks.”

If somebody pesters you to give an “artist’s statement” and can’t seem to take no for an answer, just give ‘em something short and sweet, like this:


The Real Artist’s Statement
I am 100%, totally not guilty, and let me just say that I’m looking for the real killers.

I love this gig.

Track Listing

The Artist Statement
About the Paintings
Tales From the B-Side
Daytona USA
How to Write a Resignation Letter

1998 Works
Model Portraits
Curious George
Watercolors on Canvas